Your Parents Raised You For A Game That No Longer Exists
136: And the lies they told you are still running your life.
This is not an anti-parental post. This is not meant to make you hate your parents or blame them for how they raised you. This read is simply a reminder that we are living in a world that no longer exists. The real question you should ask yourself is: what did your parents tell you that has aged well?
Why You Can’t Blame Them - Advice From The Old World
Here is why:
They didn’t know any better (lack of experience and vision)
The game they played was easier
They only wanted the best for you (safest options)
They gave advice based on a world that doesn’t exist anymore (they grew up in it)
Old world: Everything was easier. And the rules of the game were different. The game was different. No matter how average a performer you were. You could still live an extraordinary life with low to medium effort. Today? It is very different. And every year, it gets harder because those middle opportunities get deleted. In a way that the more average you are, the less opportunity you will have to escape it. Everyone reading us already knows our take on it. It is impossible to put in the same effort and do the same things as your parents did and still expect the same results. You need to 10x their output. Those days of being in a comfy position, getting a job in a big corporation, and getting a 20-year mortgage. Gone. What does it mean for you? It leaves less room for bad advice and the old-world thinking that your parents were raised on and built on.
The Playbook That Is Keeping You Stuck (Lies You Were Raised On)
Lie #1 - Be a good employee and you will be rewarded accordingly
Yet every time it comes to promotions and raises. You end up being passed over. Reality is that those who are good employees and put in more effort than others do not necessarily get rewarded. It also does not guarantee you success. Once you bring the human factor into the equation (knowing who you need to impress). Everything changes. And those with better connections are the ones who will move forward. Not the best ones or the hardest working ones. It would be a lie to deny the importance of performance, and you want to be in the top 30% of the team. But without the social aspect and knowing who to impress. It won’t matter. This becomes painfully obvious after a few years in the corporate environment, where being a good employee is at most 50% of the story. The other part of the story comes from relationships and knowing who to impress to get what you need.
Lesson: Being a top performer is less important than knowing how and who to talk to. What you want to do is to identify the key (2 to 3) people you know who have a direct impact on your positioning inside the company. Start building rapport with them (visibility is key). Start practicing selling yourself and taking credit for the work you have done. This will automatically set you up so that it will be hard for you to lose. No matter how much effort or how good an employee you are.
Lie #2 - Find a stable company and stay there for a lifetime
This is not how things work. Over time, you will find yourself in a position where you are underpaid and underappreciated. Positioning yourself into a massive disadvantage once you look for the escape. Only to realize that you are so deep that there is no escape. No one will want to give you a chance because you will have this massive line on your CV signaling that you were too lazy (afraid) to expose yourself to new environments and challenges. The case is different if you are working with a truly big logo (think Microsoft, Nvidia, Apple). But again, the idea that you will be set for a lifetime just because you are in the right company is wrong. As management changes and roles are restructured, the concept of a single lifetime role is gone. You also don’t want to be in a position with so much exposure to uncertainty and work only to make the others rich. If your salary is not increasing annually. You are doing something wrong. The idea that you will be rewarded and respected more because you have been with one company for multiple years is wrong. Reality is quite the opposite. Loyalty doesn’t exist in the corporate world.
Lesson: There is no reason for you to do so and stay in one company for multiple years. Employers should be treated as golden tickets that will allow you to start your own business while paying you as much as possible while you are making them richer. Read how to get rich to understand our point. It might change your life. What you want to do is stay long enough to learn something, yet never get truly comfortable. 2 to 3 years is what most need to get the most out of their employer. It is a perfect spot if you are chasing a 15 - 25% salary bump by switching employers.
The whole framework you should use comes down to:
Learn the new skills.
Meet new people and build relationships with them.
Put yourself in a comfortable position to build a side business.
Switch every few years to raise your salary and make your life easier.
Lie #3 - Just be yourself (also known as JBY)
We already wrote about advice like this in our advice on what people give you when they don't want you to win. JBY is terrible advice if you are in a position you don’t want to be in. Why would you continue to do the same if things are not working out in your favor? It only makes sense if things are working out in your favor and everything is going your way. In that case? This is a golden type of advice. Otherwise, a massive waste of time and one you should not follow. The reason your parents are saying stuff like this to you is that it serves as a perfect defense mechanism. Not to hurt you by pointing out what you lack. Something you can’t really blame them for. But a necessary reality check.
Lesson: You got everything working in your favor? Be yourself. Not happy where you are now and looking to improve your position? Ignore this advice and understand where it is coming from. Have you been hit with this type of advice multiple times? It means that you must start breaking things down into the basics and look into the patterns you are making. There is a clear signal you are not catching. Yet that same thing is slowing you down.
Lie #4 - Good things come to those who wait
Will things work out in your favor if you are just hoping for the best without putting in any effort? Not really. This is one of those things that ONLY work if you are NOT expecting them to work. Good things come to those who put in more effort than people around them. Not to those who are doing nothing. Sitting on the couch and watching Netflix. The only time this will become obvious is when you are already working and the thing you have been waiting for to happen. Becomes your reality. In that scenario, you have massive momentum and can achieve quantum leaps in no time. The universe is working in your favor. There is a big difference between you being out there working towards something and knowing that you will be rewarded. Compared to sitting at home on the couch doing nothing, and thinking that you will be rewarded.
Lesson: Good things only come to those who put in more work than others + increase their exposure + use momentum to their advantage when that "good thing" comes. Thinking that things will work out because you are waiting at home? Not how it works. Making this a common lie that you have been told since an early age. There is a BIG difference between someone actively waiting for things to work in their favor and someone passively waiting for them to happen. The whole difference between the two? Comes down to how much effort you are putting in. Applying for jobs, trying new things, and getting better at least in one area of your life. Those are the clear signs you are doing the right things.
Lie #5 - Save for retirement
Retirement is a scam. Waiting for retirement is a scam. Thinking you will be happy once you retire is a scam. Living for it and counting the days until retirement? Scam. Old and free. A combination that doesn’t really work together. Never allow yourself to fall for this idea. You are already free. The old boomerish advice on retirement is to chip away at everything, put it into an index fund, and forget about it. That is right. The core concept as such is not wrong. You should definitely do it to preserve (or even grow) your wealth. What is wrong with it? Most people who listen to this advice play the game in defensive mode. Focusing 110% on the saving part, without ever exposing themselves or trying to figure out ways to make more. That is where things go wrong. Instead of ending up with the REAL savings for retirement that mostly came from your income streams. You end up with an amount that is not enough since inflation and COL play tricks on you. Year over year. Just to end up in a scenario where you could only save so much without setting up additional income streams. Saving for retirement is a must. But not from the perspective that your parents have told you. It has to be done in a way that ensures multiple income streams and allows you to save when times are good. Not penny pinching or becoming frugal.
Lesson: Forget about retirement and the concept as such. Forget about penny pinching for your retirement. What you want to do instead is focus on increasing income and saving (investing) a percentage of it for bad days. Nothing else, nothing more. Saving for retirement will not save you. Making more for retirement will save you.
Lie #6 - You must get a degree
Especially if you are going to a place where other successful and wealthy individuals send their kids. This will allow you to build your network more easily and take advantage of the benefits that come with it. Since that won’t be the case if you are not going to one of the top places. You should know it might not be the best choice. No doubt that going to college will give you certain social skills and life knowledge. But if you are going for the wrong degree or to the wrong place. It is a massive waste of time and money. It is no longer prestigious, and it does not guarantee you a "safe job" once you are done with it. That doesn’t mean you should be at home wasting your life away. But it means that if you have something going on and are already contributing to the community, you can monetize it. It might be better for YOU to continue focusing on that and expanding further. If you want to play it safe and have a safety net - get a job (corporate route) and build on the side. This is where this route (getting a degree) makes much more sense. The reason this advice is on the lie list is that if done poorly. It will set you back and waste your time.
Lesson: Another old-world piece of advice. Degrees are not what they used to be, and there is no guarantee that you will be in a safer position if you pick the wrong one. You have to put yourself in a position where strong connections will surround you. To make it simple. You will have access to the top talent, connections, and knowledge if you go the degree route? 100% set on a corporate career and want to build your business on the side? This is where this idea of getting a degree makes much more sense. Not sure if that is the case, or if you don’t have an idea what you want to get out of your degree and college? Skip it. Still lost when it comes to this?
Ask yourself these questions:
Will getting a degree put me in the room with the people I want to be surrounded by?
Do I have a specific career path I want? (Think medicine, law)
Do I want to have that safety?
Am I already monetizing something, or do I have a passion project on the side?
Lie #7 - Buy a house (property) as soon as you can
Depending on how old your parents are. You might (or might not) have heard this advice being given to you. Should you buy a house as soon as you can? Maybe. If you are 100% set on the place you want to live and are in a position to offset all the costs associated with it. Don’t have any major or big risk moves coming. Think that you are in a position where your investments can cover the mortgage payment. Since that is not the case for most people, and will be even less so as the future goes on and prices increase (the middle class gets permanently deleted). The sense that this advice makes is minimal. It is actually one of those that will lead you towards 30 to 40 years of slavery to the bank in most scenarios. The story is different if your rent equals your mortgage payment. This has been the case recently in certain parts of the world. Another downside of buying a house as soon as possible is that it will take up hours of your time. Anyone who owns a property knows what we are talking about. Making it a hard scenario if you don’t have someone else to help you or take care of the stuff around your property.
Lesson: There is no need to make a rapid decision about something that will leave a massive impact on your life. There is no reason to rush this decision. As your time would be better spent making things easier for yourself down the road - making more money and having a better quality of life than yesterday. Better said putting energy and effort into the other higher ROI things. What you have to consider with things like this is that you have to calculate the renting (vs. mortgage payments) and invest the difference you might be left with. This is the key everyone overlooks. The story is different if the rent = the mortgage. However, there are still factors such as insurance, taxes, maintenance, etc. Do yourself a favor and don’t rush this.
Lie #8 - Starting a business is risky
It was back in the day when one could not test demand by clicking the magic internet button and doing everything for less than $500 from your bedroom. That was when starting your business was risky. It is also something that your parents could only imagine doing. They still probably think it is impossible. It is hard to explain to someone that you could throw your money on the screen, and someone somewhere in the world would give you more money back. A hard concept to process and even harder to explain to others who have never experienced it. Yet most of us at this point are taking it for granted. Take it as a fun exercise and compare it to how it used to be and how much effort it required back then. Different game. Meaning this advice given to you is completely irrelevant in this day and age. Starting a business is not risky if done right. One could argue that it is much more dangerous to let your employer be 100% in control of your cash flow and everything else that comes around it. It is something that everyone has a different perspective on.
Lesson: Starting a business has never been easier. The risk? Minimal if done right. Not sure how to approach this? Realize that the healthiest approach is to accept that the chances of you hitting it big on your first try are minimal. The better approach is to treat it as a learning experience.
Taking it to another level:
Pick a skill you already have or something you can do better than most of the people around you (everyone possesses this).
Set up a basic landing page and website.
Offer your service or simply start putting the content out there.
That is the whole playbook that will instantly put you in the top 20%. Something that can be done over the weekend and should not take more than a few hours.
Ready to risk more? Turn those ads on and learn how to experiment with them. It will be useful, more than you would like to think.
Lie #9 - They know better than you do (media, politicians…)
They don’t. You should stop paying too much attention to the mass media. Everyone is playing their own game and trying to bend the rules to get the most out for themselves. Everyone is out for themselves. There is no reason for you to follow the same pattern as your parents did. They had to do so because they didn’t have the opportunity to find other sources of information. There was not any. While you have access to the brightest and smartest minds who have ever walked this earth. Yet taking it for granted. That everything on TV is mostly a lie. And propaganda paid for by someone. In politics, there are only a few people who are not in it for their personal interests. This old concept that they know better because they are in the media or in the government is nonsense.
Lesson: Avoid ANYTHING mainstream. Books, interviews, interesting podcasts, life-changing material… You have access to everything. Next time you hear a flashy headline or someone in politics making ridiculous claims. Ask yourself. Who benefits from me believing in this? The answer will tell you everything.
Lie #10 - Be humble and don't promote yourself
What most cannot realize is that the only way you will win in this attention economy is by promoting yourself (selling + distribution). Selling yourself. Selling your work. Selling your ideas. Thinking that because you have made something, you deserve to be noticed is wrong. Producing the output has never been easier, and the barrier to entry has entirely disappeared. Everyone is fighting for others attention. Important part? Back in the day, fighting for attention simply was not part of the game. It didn’t matter the way it does now. Simply because the world went full-on digital and now you are competing with everyone. Especially when it comes to getting someone’s attention and holding it. Your parents were taught to blend in and not be different from each other. Why? Because it would make them look like fools. Different. Not part of the norm. The whole goal was not to stand out or do anything differently. That is not how the game is being played today, and things won’t work out in your favor if you do so.
When we say sell ourselves, we mean:
When you know how to do storytelling (sell your work and your story) and position yourself in a way that you are someone who can be trusted and counted on.
When we say distribution, we mean:
When you know how to drive traffic and hold the attention of the masses (attention hacking) in a way that makes you someone who can be trusted and counted on.
Lesson: Being humble has nothing to do with promoting yourself. The self-promotion part is mandatory, and the only way you will move forward is by doing it. Not by waiting to be recognized and rewarded accordingly. For those who have no idea where to start with this one. Just pick one relevant platform (YouTube, Twitter…) and start posting on it. Documenting. Don’t worry about selling or marketing. Just make sure you are putting something out there for the world to see. This should help you get out of your head and overthinking phase.
Things Your Parents Were Actually Right About
Advice that was actually good: When you put aside all the lies and bad advice your parents told you. All the old-world advice and what has become outdated. All the things that don’t work anymore. There is also advice that makes sense and remains relevant. It serves as a great baseline for everything that is to come. The truth? Not everything your parents have been telling you since childhood is wrong.
1. Money doesn’t buy happiness
Those who have achieved financial success know this is the truth. If you think that one day you will wake up happy because you have ______ number in the bank account. You are wrong. Money buys happiness. But not in a way that most people think it does. Suppose you take someone who is completely lost and doesn’t know what they want out of their life. Money will only lead to long-term degeneracy and unhappiness. That is why so many lottery winners lose it all and go broke. For those who know what they want in life and are working towards it. Those are the ones who will get the most out of their money. Because that money serves as a support tool. Not as the main driver of anything. At the same time, that money will improve their quality of life and allow them to spend it on what ACTUALLY matters.
Lesson: Your parents were not wrong. Money doesn’t buy happiness. It buys things that might provide you with temporary happiness. But if you do not have a deeper meaning or know what you appreciate in life. What you will get with it doesn’t mean much. Money is a tool and not a final goal. If you are one of the lucky ones, you will start looking into it as a byproduct of your work. Something that will come no matter what.
Don't believe us?
Take a piece of paper.
Write the 3 things that made you feel most alive this year.
Chances are that money was the support behind all of them. It is hard to deny that. But there is a good chance that none of the things on the list were 100% money driven. If that is the case, and they were fully driven by the money. If that is the case, it might be a sign that you are doing something wrong and not living the life you should live.
2. Follow your passion
Monetizing your passion from day one is a mistake. It is by far the easiest way to hate what you are doing. What is right about the advice your parents have given to you? It would be a lie to deny that passion plays a massive role in your life. If you put everything you are doing right now aside. Had an unlimited budget and unlimited free time. The chances that you would spend 100% of your time on that passion thing of yours? Pretty big. Knowing what you are passionate about plays a big role in the quality of your life. That doesn’t mean you have to monetize it or follow it. But it means you still need to know what gets you going and how to approach your passion. Better said. What your passion actually is. This might seem unnecessary until you are in the building mode. But once you get out of it and you are set or want to take it a bit slower. It becomes apparent why you need to know it. This doesn’t mean that all your efforts should be spent on monetizing your passion or anything similar. You just have to know what your passion is and how it serves you.
Lesson: Passion matters much more than what the average internet personality will want to admit. The key is to find a balance where you know what your passion is and what gets you going. It is something that most never figure out. At the same time, following your passion as such is often misunderstood because people associate it with money and making money. Yes, it can be that. But no. It is not strictly just that.
3. Don’t talk about the money
You should never talk about money and how well you are doing unless it is with your close family or partner. If you are not convinced by our take here. Ask yourself. What will sharing this information do for me? The answer is simple. Nothing. There is no point. There is nothing for you to get out of it. There is nothing to help you in life. What you are looking for is a 3 minute ego trip you should not go on in the first place.
Talking about money always leads to resentment, hate and jealousy from those you shared your information with
Lesson: Your parents were right. As you make more money, things start to work out in your favor. The more you make, the more you need to learn to downplay things. Don't talk about all the stuff (money especially) with anyone. One basic example you want to avoid at all costs? Still working 9to5? Remember that there is no point in talking with your colleagues about buying a sports car or investing 80% of your salary in stocks.
Only people who need to know how much money you have:
Your family (just the closest family members)
Your partner
Your accountant (or a lawyer)
4. Don’t mix friendships with money
The first sign that you will lose a friend is when they ask you for money. This is where the discussion could stop. The only time you want to mix friends and money is when you are not afraid to lose either of those two. Money or your friends. The same principles apply to running a business together and sharing the equity. Everything is working for those who are not afraid to walk out on one another. Priorities change. Goals change. People change. You have been warned.
Lesson: ONLY mix friendships and money if you are not afraid to lose them in the first place. If you are someone who cares and would not want to lose the other side. Your parents were more than right. Do not do it.
Always ask yourself this:
Would I be okay if this ended the friendship?
5. Your network matters
The younger you are, the less sense this makes. As you get older, the power of your network becomes apparent. When you need someone to connect you with someone. Or when you are looking for a specific individual who can solve your problem. There is a good reason they say your network is your net worth. What no one tells you when it comes to a network is that the real power only comes to those who are valuable to others. If you bring nothing to the table. Don’t expect anything back.
Lesson: There is a realization that power comes from a guy who knows the guy. It is one of those things that your parents were right about. Much less so now that everyone struggles to form basic connections (relationships) and stay in touch with others. For those struggling to keep up with their connections, don’t overthink it. Just calling someone for 2 to 3 minutes once every month or two. Instead of listening to a podcast or YouTube while walking or driving, should be more than enough.
6. You become who you surround yourself with
The point above brings us to this. Remember when your parents told you that the people you surround yourself with, you become one of them? They were right. You become like the people you spend your time with. Manners. Ideas. Goals. Plans. All the way down to how you react and see the world. We all know that bad company corrupts good character, or vice versa. Something you want to remind yourself of often.
Lesson: Not much to add here. What you need to do is be careful about who and what you allow into your life. Not only do you have to be careful about who you allow. But be aware of those who enter your life, because one day you might wake up and realize you are doing the same things they are. One practical thing you can do is to audit the people you spend most of your time with. Write them down. List a few characteristics for each one of them. Do they talk about the future or live fully in the past? If the characteristics and things you value don’t align. You have work to do.
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. - Jim Rohn
7. Discipline over motivation
If you have ever had your parents tell you that you need to do things, no matter how lazy or tired you are. They were right. The more you progress, the more sense it makes. The reason your parents were right is that, after a certain point, you realize that the chances of being in the right mood every day, ready to give your best, are not realistic. If you want to get the results. You will have to sit down and start, no matter how you feel or what has happened that day. This applies to everything, not just getting work done. From staying in touch with important people, hitting the gym, or trying to start your online business. Discipline is everything, and you have to work on it. It is a skill. Meaning it can be trained and improved.
Lesson: The reason your parents were right is that if you want to achieve the big things, you will have to work even when you are not feeling it. If you are someone who struggles to focus or get things done. Make it a non-negotiable to do just 30 minutes of it each day. No multitasking. No context switching. Just one task (you are not feeling) for a maximum of 30 minutes. What you want to do is create a default scenario for you. One that will not require much thinking, yet you will execute on it.
8. Nobody is coming to save you
If you have ever heard your parents tell you this. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones. It is one of the best pieces of advice you could be given. More so if you are a young person and have experienced it firsthand. Seeing your parents knowing and living that nobody is coming to save them. The reality? You are the creator of your own life. Your own luck. Your own mind. Meaning that there is no one else to blame but YOU.
Daily reminder that nobody is coming to save you.
Lesson: You have total ownership of your situation. The people you surround yourself with. The things you do. The information you consume. It is all you… Still not getting it? Write every area of your life where you are waiting for something to happen. It will not take you more than 5 minutes to realize that all those things are on YOU and that you are just a few right actions away from making things happen.
Disclaimer: None of this is to be legal or financial advice of any kind.